Good News (Wednesday June 8th, 2011)
Recently I read an article on CNN.com about a man named Kirk Murphy, who as a boy, was sent to a research group at UCLA in the 70s. The man who “treated” him was named George Alan Rekers, who earned his PhD through this research. Kirk, as a boy, was subjected to a treatment to try to
make him more “masculine” – presumably for that time a cover for changing his presumed (and later confirmed) homosexuality. The treatment involved such tactics as spanking and the withholding of maternal affection, which are no longer allowed in any ethical course of study.
As a young man, Kirk Murphy lived a life overshadowed by his early experiences, coming out as gay in his twenties, but later committing suicide alone in his apartment. It turned out that the “therapy” to do this included his mother not talking to him or not holding him – punishment if he selected a “girl toy” from a table instead of a “boy toy”. Later at home, he was beaten by his father with a belt based upon a system of poker chips – blue were accumulated if he was “masculine” and red if he was “feminine”.
Kirk made it to 38 years old before he killed himself – fundamentally convinced that he was broken inside, different from everyone else because of his experience. Whether or not the treatment was responsible can never truly be determined, although it seems obvious it played some role. As I read deeper into this story, I wept for this case of tragic misunderstanding and the detrimental effects on a young boy and later man.
When I was a child I had many playmates – perhaps as many girls as boys. While I enjoyed playing army and blowing up enemy fortifications, I was not above playing with my friends next door who had dolls. Often Ken exhibited a bent for wanting to join the Marines, but we played together as innocent children do. I am glad that based upon who I was I was not sent to some camp because I was not as “masculine” as someone thought I should be. I was terrible at sports, read a lot, and generally didn’t want much to do with guns or most of those sorts of things. How I evolved into someone who shoots a rifle on an occasional basis and wound up in the Air Force is a different story – but the story that I was allowed to live out by becoming who I was meant to be. Kirk Murphy didn’t get that chance because he was not loved, he was manipulated and abused by a system that should have helped him.
What is the point of me telling you all this? In my church, the Church of the Nazarene, we affirm that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. But our highest law is the law of love – to love one’s neighbor as oneself, and not to place yourself in the judgment seat, for that is the place of God. For homosexuals or “less masculine men” in our town, our chief requirement is love, not judgment. God tells us our sins are equal – a lie to your boss is the same on the scale of sin as any other that someone else does, but some sins are easier to hide than others.
I think to a large extent in this department, the church has failed in teaching its theology as well as it should have. Withholding love is as great a sin as homosexuality. We must decide if we want to lead the life that Jesus had for US to live, rather than trying to force someone into it themselves. Once we can lead our lives full of love and compassion, we will be the examples that draw people TO God and do not drive others away.
How did this story come to my attention? Because as it turns out, George Alan Rekers, outspoken anti-gay activist, was photographed returning from Europe with a male escort. I don’t bring this up to call derision upon this man, but to show that when we fail one person, we often fail many others. Had Mr. Rekers been educated as to how Jesus told us to love first, he might not have hurt so many others in his life and perhaps been able to accept himself so that he could work out his relationship with God. That hope remains for him still – and the hope that God in his just wisdom knew how to love and care for his creation Kirk Murphy in death, whose life and time here was cut tragically short.
- J. Cole Weston is Lead Pastor at Okmulgee First Church of the Nazarene at 711 N. Okmulgee. You can contact him via email at okmulgeenazarene@gmail.com or 918-213-0359. Services are held Sunday at 10:30, with Sunday School at 9:30.
