by J. Cole Weston
CORRECTION: In last week’s article, the wrong dates were listed for Vacation Bible School. They are, in fact, July 9, 10 & 11.
I wish I had something profound for you on Father’s Day, but I’m afraid I don’t. You see, I’ve only been at the job for two years. I do think, however, that I have learned something, and I’ll attempt to share a little bit of that with you now.
When my little girl came into this world May 25th, 2008 I knew that I would love her. What I did not expect was that you could love someone beyond what you expect – a love so deep and unknown to those who do not yet have children that it even now boggles my mind. This is no slight upon those who do not have, or have chosen not to have children; I simply could not see its depths when I was childless.
Being a father is being there – someone once said “90% of success is just showing up.” Being a father is a lot like that. You see, for you non-fathers, something is always competing for our attention. Whether its something our wives need, the baby wants to play, or repairs must be made to the homestead, there is ALWAYS something to be done. I think that people give their fathers a bum rap sometimes if he is spending time with you, he has chosen you over a litany of things he could be doing, all of which are probably important, too.
Dad is also the buffer, the shield between the world and the family unit. Although this was more universally true when Mom stayed home to raise the children, it is so even with both parents working. Dad is the decider, in the words of Donald Rumsfeld – the one who makes the call on what news, television shows and entertainment enters his home. What the children are made aware of is up to Dad, and the choice of how to explain terrifying events that can still a man’s soul is left, without professional counsel, up to that man who lives with you who leaves his socks on the bedroom floor. There is a fine balance for Dad between amateur and professional – he must be well versed in almost everything, even though prior to this experience the thing he was best at was getting Mom to marry him. When the crisis arrives, it is Dad who must stand in the gap and make things right – which is to set things on an even keel again, whether he bluffs his way through or expertise wins him the day.
To be Dad is to constantly be occupied with the business of one’s family, to tend to Mom, love babies and try to sneak off to fish, read, or (the primary desire in all these) be alone for awhile. All of these things are new, exciting and nerve-wracking for me, because while I am a new father, my own father left our home when I was only 2. I did not have the example of a man’s leadership, although my mother made superhuman efforts, which made me the person I am today.
Some of you out there wonder what in the world all this has to do with something religious, or what God’s perspective is. It’s simple: God knows what it’s like to be a father too. He was the first one, and he’s got it down. He knows, however, that you aren’t quite there yet. It’s OK – it will come with time, and with godly counsel from experienced men who have trod this road before. God knows you and loves you, and cares for you this day. I know that if you are a father today, you have it tough. Maybe your own father wasn’t there, like mine. To you I say, hang in there.
If you can, get away for a little while before going back to face the storm, but don’t abandon ship. The choice you make is not whether or not to be a father, but whether or not to be a good one. For those of you out there who have, perhaps for the first time, heard a little man-to-man talk, I suggest this: reading what you have, you know if your Dad was one of the good ones. Call him and tell him how much he means to you, and that you appreciate him. At the end of the day, phone calls like that can make every second worth it.
- J. Cole Weston is a licensed minister at Okmulgee First Church of the Nazarene, 711 N. Okmulgee. Sunday school is at 9:30, services are at 10:30 Sunday morning. You may contact him at 756-0354 or via e-mail at okmulgeenazarene@gmail.com. You are encouraged to visit the church’s website at http://okmulgeenazarene.wordpress.com.
